I read an article the other day that spoke about a woman who was married discovering new ways to appreciate her husband, her relationship, and their growth. One of the things she mentioned was respecting her husband. She thought she respected him, but he wanted to be respected in ways that she currently was not. Understanding the ways he wanted to be respected, instead of just basing it on how she perceived her to be respecting him, helped their marriage and relationship become better, and them to become closer. I really took to this statement. It made me worried I wasn’t respecting my S/O in ways that made him feel respected. I reached out to him immediately to ask how he felt others respected him and to make sure he felt respected by me. He told me he did, thankfully, and I concluded that discussion by telling him if there was anything he wanted me to do that would make him happy, to just let me know.
Everything seemed good. My worry about him not feeling respected got cleared up, and I let him know that he can reach out to me if he wants me to do something for him to make him happy. But a couple days later, I found out information that made me feel like I wasn’t being respected. When I first read the article I never even stopped to think, does he respect me in the ways that I want to be respected? And after finding out this information, my answer is sadly, not a complete yes.
I want to be respected by him showing to the world that I am his, and he is mine. We became long distance in February, and things have gotten rocky. We had a fight about a month ago, and we didn’t speak for about 3-4 days. In this time, he changed his profile photo to no longer have me in it, and made his relationship status go from public (ie. showing on the main page of his profile) to friends only (ie. you only see it if you click on the “about” section of his profile). We have since made up, and everything is better, we’re back to saying I love you, back to Skyping/calling as often as we can. However, he still hasn’t put his relationship status back to public.
I wouldn’t have such an issue with this, if he hadn’t specifically done it while we weren’t talking. It felt like an attack on me, like it was a not-so-subtle way of saying “I’m reconsidering this relationship and I’m trying to make it easier on myself by slowly making it seem like I’m single to see how it feels”. I’ve brought up how much it bothers me multiple times, and he both ignores me when I do and waits hours or even until the next day to change the subject, while also not changing it back.
Now, on top of this, he goes around on Facebook groups telling girls to “slide into his dm’s” with an “ass pic”. Instead, when someone mentions a new girl getting added to the same group, he says “is she single? asking for a friend”. Saying those things to girls he doesn’t know are upsetting enough. But to know that when they then click on his profile, it doesn’t state anywhere that he is in a relationship? Makes me feel sick. But once again, if I bring this up, I typically get 3 eye roll emoji’s sent to me. Which really, just further upsets me, so I’m not sure what his game plan is there. But if I push that topic any further, what have I gotten? Ignored.
I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him, or maybe even people in general, to just respect how a person feels. This is the man I’ve been with for nearly a year and a half, the man who says he wants to spend his life with me, the man who says he loves me. But yet, he can’t for some reason be bothered to put his relationship status back to public now that we’re better? All it does is make me feel as if he is still having doubts about us, as if he is still wanting to end things. Which then just perpetuates more negative feelings about everything and makes me unable to see when he’s just “joking around”.
At this point I just want to be respected enough for him to respond to me stating how I feel, with some sort of – not rebuttal, but at least a conversation as to why he won’t, or why he doesn’t want to. I feel like I should at least be owed that much.
Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe my idea of being respected is too “out there” and too “over the top” and I’m being “unrealistic”. Or maybe it’s just…….